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abba. daddy. dad. papa. father

father has not left nor stayed. He isn't alive nor he is dead.



Grief is death person's dead lagging.

The person is dead but stays within our bodies, Grief is the refusal of universal laws and acceptance of love

I am certain something dies within me, each time it sinks that it has happened, the most fearful incident of my life has taken place; it is my father, Abba, daddy he is no more. That round face with the gap between those straight teeth is no more. The sturdy worker's hands and those broad shoulders have left.

It has happened. It has occurred.


The realisation is often attributed to the gravity of this travesty and something sinks, jerks, pounds or pulls down within my body. And there is a loud bang within me, a sharp quiver and a sudden hot flash - skin shines with the downpour of sweat. Just, as if unable to bear it, my body rejects this realisation and sheds it through the pores of my skin.

And body slowly returns to denial.


'Abba always said,
'Even in grief have a good mood'

In this photograph, daddy is standing at the window and behind him, there is Basanti didi's funeral procession taking place, Basanti was his close aide for forty years and she has been very close to me and my brother, Sadiq.

I was in Bhopal caring for my estranged mother who is suffering from cancer.
In order to save me from grief, 
my father kept the news of Basanti didi's demise to himself until I returned to Mumbai.

Notice how genuine his smile is even though he was mourning. 

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